work, and then..

i should be working on that english course right now... but if i do, then my time will again be dissolved before i get to write again.

thoughts have been filling my mind in the last weeks of now, the future and the past.

work has started back up around month ago... maybe longer. the time goes so fast when the days are spent working and the evenings are short.

i forgot how hard it is to grow when one is not surrounded by quiet time, meditation and prayer. worship plays a huge role as well. but i have been so hungry lately for something so much more... and unfortunately comparing my life quite a bit too. ...oh man, that job was so much better... ...oh i wanna head back there too.... ...why are we doing that?... and so on.

when it really comes down to it, if i really trust God, i can trust that this time is important, being used massively for even our benefits and that this is really only the beginning.

God has been blessings us a lot. it just takes new eyes to see how in this season of working, paying and praying.

each day i ride to work with a moped which takes about 30mins. though the rest of the day is filled with either thoughtless shoveling, or thoughtful tasks, that ride to and from work is one of two situations... brainless vegging time.... or time filled with conversation in my heart and mind.

from healing, to pleading for patience and guidance, God has been with us in the last months of being here in germany. it has been some of the hardest time in our lives, but possibly some of the most growthful too. learning to unlearn selfishness, learning to take initiation and kill passivity, learning to drop expectations and learning to love.

learning to love.

love.

with a thousand meanings and discriptions, love is indeed the worse way to describe love.

maybe it is better put like this...

learning God. learning Jesus.

i pray that these thoughts that i type come alive for those who read this. that we would wake up from this empty dream we have been living... wake up and learn what we are made of. learn who made us. i pray for all of you who read this and bless us with prayers. that your wishes, dreams and hearts would come even more alive, that they would break through the walls of doubt. that we would really know that nothing is impossible for He who loves us.